the third trimester

We were notified by our caseworker this past week that our adoption approval document for USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services) will be expiring soon. Because of this, we will need to file for an immigration approval extension, which also requires that we get our home study updated. Without getting into too many details, it essentially means we have quite a bit of paperwork ahead of us, and another big chunk of money to pay to get our home study updated.

As I was thinking about all of this the other day, it seemed a bit overwhelming and somewhat frustrating. We’ve already completed all of these documents once before…

…but in the midst of this frustration, I think God was nudging me to think about this like the third trimester in pregnancy. In the third trimester, there is increasing physical uncomfortability, but the hope of seeing the baby soon also increases. Appointments also generally increase in number to check on the mom and baby. Preparing documents again is uncomfortable, yes, but it is also a tangible reminder that our little girl is out there and we may meet her soon. Like most third trimesters, there is also a growing uncertainty of when labor will begin. We still don’t know who Strawberry is, but we need to be prepared because we could receive her file any day. And this labor will be one that is months long in the wait to actually meet her after being matched with her.

As part of the home study update, I went to get fingerprinted again today for clearances. On the way there, Gavin asked if he and Hudson would need to get fingerprinted too. I said no and he asked why. I told him it was because Mommy and Daddy were the ones adopting. He promptly replied, “But the kids are adopting, too.”

So true, Gavin.

Our entire family is adopting Strawberry. This is a family journey, and it will always be that way. Long after Ian and I pass away, Gavin, Hudson, Strawberry, and their families will still be part of a larger, even more beautiful family. Thank you God for bringing that sweet sentiment to mind through Gavin. 

in the wait

"'Wait on the Lord' is a constant refrain in the Psalms, and it is a necessary word, for God often keeps us waiting. He is not in such a hurry as we are, and it is not his way to give more light on the future than we need for action in the present, or to guide us more than one step at a time. When in doubt, do nothing, but continue to wait on God. When action is needed, light will come.”
-J.I. Packer, Knowing God

We are in that foggy waiting period right now. We are still not matched with a little girl, but we know she is out there somewhere and we continue to pray for her each day. A new question is rising up in me, what does God have for our family during this waiting period? How is He growing and shaping us?

As I was driving the other day, an image came into my mind of Strawberry crying and standing in a crib. It broke my heart. I want to hold her and kiss her sweet head and tell her she is loved. Gavin has continued praying for Strawberry in the evenings before bed. More recently, he has asked God to protect Strawberry. His preschool teacher has told me that he talks about Hudson and his baby sister in China all the time at school. His heart and his excitement for her are incredibly beautiful and touching. Hudson has even started saying “Strawberry” when we ask what he would like to pray for at night. Unbelievably precious.

It’s amazing how much adoption has impacted us all already, even without having our little girl here yet. When playing make-believe the other day, Gavin said, “Yeah, I’m watching 10 adopted kiddos right now.” It makes my heart smile to think that the word “adopted” is part of his everyday vocabulary. There are millions of orphans in the world who need loving homes, and if my children can grow up thinking it’s normal to be part of the solution, well, wow. That’s pretty spectacular to think about.

It is such a strange feeling to hold this hope and wonder where and who our daughter might be. Our hearts are yearning to meet Strawberry more and more every day. It is interesting how this desire has grown.There is a piece of me that fears we will never meet her in this wait that is so unknown in it’s length. But in this waiting, God continues to transform us. Ian and I regularly marvel at how much God has already changed my heart alone. I often think, who am I to adopt? I am imperfect and selfish and scared. But He has turned my heart tender. His grace is sufficient for me, and His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). He is writing the story, not me. And I am positive that His story is worth the wait.

save, spend, and share

Yesterday the boys and I enjoyed a fun outing to our credit union, our church, and finally to Target. When I worked in Marketing at FORUM Credit Union, I regularly wrote articles and created promotional materials for youth accounts. One of the awesome lessons the credit union advocated was teaching kids the three principles of money – saving, spending, and sharing.

I have tried to take these lessons with me into my career as a stay-at-home-mom. Both of our boys have piggy banks, and typically their Nana or their Grammy gives them dollars or change when they visit. Sometimes the boys also might earn some money from us (Gavin helped me dust baseboards last month!).

So, yesterday, we went to the credit union first where the boys deposited a portion of their money (saving). They also received stickers on their youth savings cards that the credit union offers. Once they complete their sticker cards, they’ll receive a credit union prize. I'm pretty sure their favorite part was receiving suckers! ;) I highly recommend FORUM Credit Union if you live in Indiana.

We then traveled to itown church, where we stopped into the front office. Both boys gave a portion of their money to the church (sharing/tithing). We talked about how the church would use their money to help people who may need clothes or food. If you live in the Indy area, we'd love for you to join us at itown sometime. All people are welcome here. God loves you immeasurably, and you can learn about that here. 

Next up, Target (spending)! We spent quite a while in the toy section until both boys found the perfect toy – teenage mutant ninja turtle bandanas and plastic weapons! Gotta love boys!!! When we checked out, they each handed the cashier their money (Hudson needed a little bit of nudging to let go of his $10 bill).

I have to say, I’m not that mom who is awesome at planning crafts or coming up with fun games, but I feel pretty good about this activity. It got us out of the house. It teaches some pretty important money concepts. And, the boys got toys at the end to keep them occupied at home for the rest of the day! We’ve done this activity a few different times over the past two years and I love that Gavin gets excited about it! Spending comes pretty naturally for most of us, but I would love it if our kids also learn that it can be natural to save and share, too!

nothin' but corn

It's time for a little woodworking update! Ian got to work in November making custom cornhole boards. I'm pretty sure there is no project he can't do! He created Indiana University and University of Kentucky boards for Jason (his brother) and Hannah (our sister-in-law) for Christmas! Jason and Hannah attended undergrad at IU and grad school at UK. I think the boards have a cool retro look!

Ian, of course, felt the need to make us our own set of boards, too! Go Clemson tigers! And, bonus, the boards are decorating the walls of our garage when not in use. :)

Ian is currently working on making two twin size beds for our boys! We plan to move the boys into a room together once we have Strawberry with us!

our log in date and other thoughts

On June 29, we were officially logged in to China’s system! In the adoption community, this is referred to as our LID (log in date) and is a really exciting step! This means our dossier has been registered into CCCWA’s system (China Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption) and they have started translating our documents. As I mentioned in another post, sometimes it is difficult to feel connected in this "paper pregnancy," but I am grateful that this was a very special connecting point for us. 

My sweet mother even sent us a card that made me cry. I'm posting photos of it below (without her personal message). So very thoughtful of her to acknowledge how special this date is in our journey.

In other adoption thoughts...today (July 21) at breakfast Gavin randomly started talking about Strawberry as he sometimes does. He said she was growing and her hair was getting longer. This was very potent for me to hear. It’s so hard to visualize our little girl. We believe we’ll find her, but we don’t know her yet. And, yet, she’s out there growing. Growing without us, without a family. Her soft, sweet hair is growing, and we aren’t there to kiss and caress her head. We aren’t there to mark her milestones. Ian and I can’t imagine our lives without Gavin and Hudson. And someday, we won’t be able to imagine our lives without Strawberry. Once we do have her, I imagine that we won’t be able to bear imagining her being alone right now. Baby girl, we love you and we pray you would feel God’s presence right now and a heavenly caress of your beautiful, growing hair.

life with littles

In the hustle and bustle of life with littles, there are so many things I want to remember. But with a terrible memory like mine and the general passage of time, I know it’s impossible. Due to that reality, I’m hoping to keep a few of these memory treasures on the blog so I can look back some day and remember the sweetness of these days.

When Gavin was one and still in his crib, sometimes he liked to stay in bed and request certain books from me when I came into his room in the morning. Primarily he used to request the “Bibey” – his name for the Bible. I found this absolutely precious and I took a photo of him reading the Bible in his bed about two years ago.

Gavin - April 17, 2014

A little over a month ago, I came into Hudson’s room in the morning, and he also requested a book from me. From his crib, he asked me for the “Biba” – his name for the Bible. My heart was full of joy thinking not only of Hudson’s request, but also of the memory of Gavin doing the same thing. So, I of course gave Hudson the Bible and took a picture of him, too.

Hudson - May 30, 2016

I pray our boys would always know how very much God loves them and how very much we love them.

paperwork & prayer pregnancy

I CAN’T believe it! All of our paperwork for the adoption on the United States side is complete! Check out this photo of all of our dossier documents that will be sent to our adoption agency this afternoon, and then China soon after!!!

It was definitely a long and in depth process to get each document ready. The majority of the dossier documents needed to be notarized, state verified by the secretary of state, and then certified by the China consulate. In case you’re interested, here’s a list of what is included in our dossier!

-Letter of Intent to Adopt

-Home Study Report (this is a huge report detailing everything from where we grew up to our current finances)

-Certified Birth Certificates for each parent

-Certified Marriage Certificate

-Physical Examinations for each parent

-Financial Statement

-Employment Letters

-Certificates of Good Conduct for each parent

-Immigration Approval

-Passport Photographs

-Copies of our Passports

-Photographs of our family and our home

We officially began our “paperwork pregnancy” in September 2015. I honestly can’t believe we are already at the point of sending our dossier to China. Once China receives it, our documents will be translated, and then we will be formally logged into China’s system and available to be matched. This is truly a huge milestone, and something to celebrate! We are one step closer to finding our Strawberry!

Prayer has also played a significant role in this pregnancy. God led us to this place, and he is continuing to lead us during the waiting. In the past couple of months, we have mostly waited. Waited on Citizenship and Immigration Services to send us approval and waited to receive documents back from the China consulate. During this wait and without the constant filling out of forms, the adoption has seemed so surreal to me. With my biological pregnancies, I was reminded of our babies every time they kicked or had hiccups, or even as my own discomfort grew. In our current waiting, I have prayed for a more “connected” feeling. In this present season, I think God is answering that prayer through a small voice.

Gavin is not one to pray out loud often. He always listens as we pray, but typically says he would prefer not to. And lately if we ask what he would like us to pray about, he requests that we pray for “apple.” Yes, the fruit! So, we thank God quite a bit for how wonderful and delicious apples are.

But before bed on May 26 Gavin caught us off guard and asked if he could pray. We of course said we would love for him to pray, and we jokingly asked if he was going to pray for apples. He told us no, and that he was going to pray for Strawberry. This was his prayer:

“Dear God, thank you for baby Strawberry, and for how wonderful she is. Amen.”

We told him how sweet that was, and he said he wanted to pray again.

“Dear God, thank you for baby Strawberry, and for how wonderful and beautiful she is. Amen.”

He has prayed similar prayers for Strawberry every night since then. One night he prayed for her health and for God to heal her if she was sick. Another night, he thanked God for her giggles.

This.

This is beauty.

When I have prayed to God over the past year for Strawberry, it has mostly been for her protection, for her to securely attach to us in the future, and for her to know she is deeply loved by God and by us. These are all good things, but Gavin’s prayer made me aware that I have not yet thanked God for how wonderful she is and for who she is as a person. His prayer was such an amazing reminder to me to thank God for the things I don’t even know about her yet! And I am so thankful for Gavin’s already tender heart for his baby sister.