“I will not leave you as orphans;
I will come to you.” John 14:18
It is with great excitement that Ian
and I want to officially announce (to the social media world) that we are in
the process of internationally adopting a little girl from China. This came
about through much prayer, research, and many conversations. God has said he
will not leave us as orphans, but He will come to us. We now have the great
privilege through God’s grace of bringing home one of God’s children – our
Strawberry. For those who don’t know, our son Gavin is our Blueberry and our
son Hudson is our Raspberry (see “about” page).
Our journey to adoption began on
February 24, 2015. Ian came home from a men’s Bible Study group late at night
and I was tired and trying to get to bed. Ian was fired up though. He and his
group had begun reading You and Me Forever by Francis Chan and Lisa Chan.
In the introduction of the book, Francis Chan writes the following:
“Sometimes people are paralyzed
by fear of failure. They are so afraid that they might do the wrong thing that
they do nothing. We need to learn to err on the side of action, because we tend
to default to negligence. So many won’t do anything unless they hear a voice
from heaven telling them precisely what to do. Why not default to action until
you hear a voice from heaven telling you to wait? For example: Why not assume
you should adopt kids unless you hear a voice telling you not to? Wouldn’t that
seem more biblical since God has told us that true religion is to care for the
widows and orphans (James 1:27)?”
This struck a very serious chord
within Ian. He told me that over the past ten years, whenever he heard about
adoption, he always thought about what a good thing it was. But there was no
action past that. Tonight was different. Instead of figuring out if we are
“called” to take care of orphans, maybe we just need to take care of them.
To be honest, I did not like this
conversation and I did not react well. I had never had a desire to adopt
before. Although Ian was merely bringing up the subject matter and not
suggesting we adopt immediately, I shut down. There are other ways to take care
of orphans besides adoption (which is true, but was not the story God was
writing for us). I went to bed with anxiety over the conversation.
The very next morning, I woke up
earlier than usual without an alarm. I was still feeling a bit anxious. So, I
prayed. I essentially told God I didn’t know what that conversation from the
night before was all about, but I needed clarity from Him on adoption. Then I
decided to do my daily devotional. I got out my phone and opened my Our Daily
Bread app for that day’s reading. God answered my prayer immediately. The
devotional that day was about God’s desire to make us His own and how Scripture
uses the picture of adoption to communicate that we have been chosen by Him.
I was stunned. Clearly God wanted
to show me something I had never considered before. Over the next couple of
months, Ian and I began praying about adoption, but we were not necessarily
pursuing it. And, in this time, God softened my heart in the most intricate of
ways by repeatedly placing the concept of adoption in my life.
In February and in April, a
couple of women spoke of adoption at the mom’s group I attend. On May 12 at our
local library, I started a friendly conversation with a woman who looked
familiar, and I soon learned that she and her husband were in the process of
adopting a child from South Korea (they also currently had two boys). She
recommended going to an informational meeting with Hands of Hope – an adoption
and orphan care ministry. Later in the day, I read yet again another Our Daily Bread
reading on caring for the helpless and that God does most of His work for people
through people.
On May 13 at a local interactive
history park (Conner Prairie), we visited the barn where kids are able to pet
the animals. While at the barn, Gavin asked about some animals he saw to a
staff member. She told us that we were looking at a mama goat that had
“adopted” two lambs. She was nursing them and looking after them because the
mom could not. This really got me. It felt like God was right there letting me
know that even in the animal kingdom moms were stepping up and caring for the vulnerable.
That same day (May 13) while our
kids were playing outside in our cul-de-sac, I spoke with my good friend and
neighbor, Esther, about the tugging on my heart for adoption and even about
what I witnessed at the Conner Prairie barn. She mentioned that there was a
great adoption story on a blog she liked (Mix & Match Family). This family had recently adopted from China and the mother detailed a
portion of their adoption journey. Esther sent the blog link to me at about
11:00 pm that night. As I got into bed, I noticed the email. Ian and I said
goodnight, and I decided I would read just a little.
I read more than a little. I
finished reading all of the adoption posts on this blog around 12:30 in the
morning on May 14. I cried, but I wasn’t crying for all of the orphans in the
world or even for the one I had just read about. I was overcome with emotion
for our potential child. I prayed our child would be well cared for. After
sleeping and later that day, Ian and I signed up for the Hands of Hope
informational meeting.
On July 13, Ian and I attended
the Hands of Hope meeting. They did an excellent job of providing everyone with
information on not only adoption, but also on foster care, Safe Families, and
more. We had a great conversation with a woman named Gretchen. She and her
husband had two boys, and then adopted two girls (one from Columbia, and the
other from Guatemala). Something that has continued to resonate in our hearts
after speaking with her was her encouragement to pray for God’s best, not our
best. We also learned about the Gladney Center for Adoption through Gretchen and
she recommended a book called The Connected Child by Karen Purvis.
After the meeting and while
driving home, Ian asked what I was feeling about everything. In my heart, I
felt like This is what God wants for us,
but that is a really scary thing to officially say out loud. So, instead I
said, “Well, we could pray about this more.” Then I asked Ian what he was
thinking and feeling. He said, “I think we can always pray more, but I think
God is calling us to adopt.” I felt like I was bursting inside. Thank you Lord
for Ian’s courage and his willing heart! We talked about how we felt God
leading us to internationally adopt from China – a desire that began after reading
the adoption blog story in May.
After the Hands of Hope meeting,
I started looking into various adoption agencies. I was drawn to Gladney, both
in what I read, and from that initial conversation with Gretchen. At Gladney, I
was put in contact with April, the Asia Waiting Child Program Coordinator. She
works out of the New York Office and is head of the China program. I found out
she graduated from Taylor University in 2003. While this may not be a
significant fact to very many, it was significant to Ian and I. Taylor is a
small private, Christian school in Indiana. Despite the smallness, the majority
of the friends we have made post-college years went to Taylor University. This
connection seemed like more than a coincidence, but rather a sign that we were
going in the right direction with Gladney.
Over the next several weeks, we
were celebrating both boys’ birthdays, hosting family, and continuing to ask
questions and research. We filled out a Child Matching Profile. Essentially,
this is Gladney’s way of seeing if a family is a good fit for the program based
on the family’s openness to various medical issues. Ian and I will be adopting through
a special needs program, so this is an important step in the process. The wait time for "healthy" children in China is around 8 years. Therefore adoption agencies focus mainly on special needs programs - currently around 95% of people adopt through special needs programs in China. The needs are wide-ranging, and not always how we would define them in the United States. For example, a mild special need in China might be a cleft lip, large birth mark, or limb deformity. We prayed
and filled out the 7-page document concerning all degrees of medical needs as
well as age and gender preferences. I then spoke with an International Pediatrician through Riley to ask
questions on specific items. We prayed again, and updated our form based on the
information we received.
In early September, we were then
sent a 55 page document to read over that detailed the adoption process. Our
first official step would be filling out a request for application form and
sending in our application fee. Between looking over this mammoth document and
reading The Connected Child, Ian and I were nervous. Our hearts were in
a tug-of-war between our desire to adopt, and the fact that the unknown is
scary! Because Ian is an attorney, these documents were especially scary for
him. With adoption, there aren’t specific guarantees and it really is a faith
journey. He also felt overwhelmed by the financial responsibility. He has
struggled with trusting God’s bigger picture with our finances in the past. And
adoption? Well, that’s certainly a big leap of faith and finances! For whatever
reason, I told Ian that I thought he would receive a review and
raise from his job when we officially “signed up” and
turned in our application fee to Gladney. I thought this would be God’s
blessing for trusting Him with the financial aspect of our adoption.
While we “waited” to sign, God continued
to press on both of our hearts that the time was now. We struggled with doubts
and fears, and “our plans”, but we were reminded of God’s best, not our best. While
our questions and plans aren’t necessarily bad, they might not be best. For
whatever reason, God has called us to adoption at this time and at this place
in our lives. I am also reminded that this entire journey will stretch us in so
many ways. I know we will be faced with anxiety, heartache, worry, and
questioning, but I have faith that God knows so much better than us. He knows
what will bring Him the most glory, and the blessings our family will
experience for years to come. He knows our little Strawberry’s heart, and He
knows we need her just as much as she needs us.
On September 29, we finally submitted
our signed request for application via email and I put our application fee in
the mail. Ian arrived home a little later than usual from work that evening. He
had received an impromptu review and raise just a couple of hours after I put
the check in the mail to Gladney. How incredible is that?! God is awesome. I
mean really – how intricately involved is He? When we trust Him, He is
faithful.
Over the next few months, God
continued to affirm our decision to adopt through various circumstances and
people. On a plane flight in October, I was seated next to a young man who was
a member of the Seventh-day Adventist Church. We had an interesting and in
depth conversation regarding Biblical prophecy. But the really interesting part
to me came at the end of our dialogue. I’m not sure how it came up, but Adam
mentioned the spirit of adoption through Christ and provided this verse: “But
when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under
the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to
sonship.” (Galatians 4:4-5) I had chills after hearing this, and told him that
my husband and I were currently looking into adopting. He then told me that he
himself was partially adopted. He always had his biological mother, but his
stepfather adopted him at birth.
Even when getting acquainted with
a new hairstylist in the fall, I learned within 10 minutes that her nephew was
just adopted from China.
Before adoption was ever on my
radar, my sister-in-law, Hannah, gave me a book called Every Bitter Thing is Sweet by Sara Hagerty. When I picked this up and started
reading it in the fall, I was amazed that there was actually an adoption story
in the book. And I came across this beautiful picture regarding adoption, "Since
the beginning of time, He intended you for me, and me for you" (page 177).
The idea that God knew since the beginning of time that we would adopt and that
our little girl would come from China is so incredible. He knew Gavin would be
our son. He knew Hudson would be our son. And He knows Strawberry will be our
daughter.
On November 10, we officially told Gavin about adopting Strawberry for the
first time, and we gave him a couple of books on the subject. He has
consistently talked about Strawberry and China since then. A few days after
telling him, he asked if we were on the earth. I said yes, and then he asked if
China was on the earth. I said yes. Then he said, “We are going to find baby
Strawberry in China.” Hudson doesn’t understand quite as much at this point,
but I have no doubt he will be an awesome big brother too!
Another remarkable
incident of affirmation came on November 19 when I dropped by my friend
Lauren’s house. I randomly met Lauren at a park in Fishers in July. She was new
to the Fishers area, and we immediately connected and started having play dates
with our kids. While in conversation at her house, I decided to tell her our
plans for adopting. She was very excited for us, but what was so incredible to
me was a piece of her past that she shared with me. She went to China several
years ago through a program where she learned the language and the culture, and
she even taught there for a time. Her reason for going was based on a deep
desire that began in high school. In high school, she researched everything she
could about China – the culture, the one child policy, the history, etc. She
even dreamed of adopting in China someday and researched the adoption process
at a very young age. She still has numerous books on China, language
translations, and more.
While there may
have been an opportunity to learn this about her before, I think God knew I
would need affirmation at certain points in this journey. I honestly believe God
orchestrated my new friendship with Lauren. I know that Lauren’s history and
heart is and will be such a blessing to us in this process. And God knew that
our paths would cross at this juncture, even back in high school when adoption
hadn’t crossed my mind and when he gave Lauren a heart for China.
Throughout this
process we have experienced a myriad of emotions. One that I hadn’t anticipated
was the grief I have felt for Strawberry’s birth mother. I can’t imagine not
having Gavin or Hudson with me. I have no idea what circumstances the birth
mother is facing, and I pray for her. I know she will experience immense heartache
and I know our little Strawberry will always have a desire for her. It pains my
heart to think of the sadness Strawberry will have to process at different
stages in her life for her birth mother and father. I love this quote I came
across the other day.
“A child born to
another woman calls me Mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of
that privilege is not lost on me.” –Jody Landers
While our love for
Strawberry will be lifelong and unconditional, it will not be able to fully
heal the broken places in her heart. Only God will be able to heal those places.
It is March 2016 now. At
this point, our home study is complete and we are waiting on approval from
USCIS (United States Citizenship and Immigration Services). Then, we will use a
courier to get all of our documents authenticated at the Chinese Consulate in
Chicago. After that, our dossier will be sent to China. Once we are logged in
to China’s system, we will then be available for a match.
If you made it to the end of this post, I'm impressed! Thank you for reading about our adoption journey over the past year. In the meantime, we would love your prayers - both for our daughter and for our family.
